Surprise! I'm back in the hospital and have been here for almost 8 hours already. My water broke at about 9pm yesterday. At first I thought it was just me losing a little control of my bladder, but then I just kept leaking like a faucet! So we decided to go in.
Our neighbor and friend Alana Olsen was kind enough to come over and stay the night with Mae and is planning on taking her to church tomorrow.
They did an ultrasound soon after we came in and despite our efforts of swimming and doing upside down handstands at the pool today, baby is still breech and doesn't seem to want to move.
When they told me we'd then be doing a c section, I'll be honest, it was an emotional hit. These past few days I've tried to pray that the will of the Lord would be done. I've tried to listen to the suggestions and success stories of others who have flipped their babies. And it's been hard to deal with the feelings of guilt (why didn't I take better care of my body with this pregnancy? I should have been more concerned when she was transverse for so long...etc) and of helplessness (there's nothing I can do! There's no guarantee of all these things I'm trying!).
I know I've said it before and I still feel that having a c section isn't the end of the world. But at this time I did kinda feel like it was the end to a few things. The end of having regular non-complicated pregnancies. The end of even thinking about having a "natural" birth. The end of a scar-free belly. And the end to getting back in shape quickly.
Some may call this a little superficial. And it probably is. I'm trying to focus on the good and focus on the eternal perspective.
First of all, who knows why this baby didn't move? Just because she didn't move doesn't mean it's my fault. She may very well know better than me and something may have gone wrong had she been born vaginally.
I'm in good hands of professionals who have done this before. And what a blessing to know that a c section is even possible! I don't have to worry about the problems that we'd face if she came out the way she is. (Which seems to be hands and legs first)
I will recover! It may take a little longer, but I'll get there. I'll be able to lift and run and jump within a few months. And even be able to get pregnant again! (Not within a few months I hope).
We have great friends and family who have volunteered to help as well as a good ward that provides meals and support.
And lastly, the biggest blessing is that both Chris and I really felt like things happened in a way that showed to us that this was really God's will. We tried everything we could. And were willing to try more if we'd had the time! We did all we could and have trusted in Him.
Sometimes He gives us hard things to go through. Not because they make sense, but because He wants us to come to Him, find peace and grow from the experience.
Im excited to meet this little girl and thankful that she's doing so well and has developed properly and has a good heart and lungs and all that.
Who knows, maybe this is just the beginning to a little lady born with a strong will and determination. Qualities that will help her to become the woman God needs her to be. And how lucky to be the one to guide her and help her as her mother on Earth.
So here's to looking for the good and rejoicing in the blessings the Lord has given me!
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