Tonight we had Chris's cousin Matt Smith and his wife Dixie over for dinner and games. They are quite different than us...in a few ways. They have been married for several years, are out of school, working full time jobs and don't have any kids.
And as much as I would like to say that the night was super fun, it was actually kinda hard. Hard being around ppl that don't know what it's like to have a baby. Or that have a ton of money a new house and careers. I felt a little judged...I don't think they meant to leave us feeling that way, but when someone give you advice on your baby or your house or your finances sometimes you feel like its cuz they don't think its good enough.
But after they left and Chris and I talked about how we felt (and I cried a bit bc of my feelings of inadequacy etc). I knelt down to say my prayers and just gave thanks.
I'm thankful for my tiny apt that protects me from the elements and gives me a place to call home. I'm thankful for the opportunity to be at BYU. To be among others who are experiencing similar things. I'm thankful for my beautiful and healthy baby. And although she challenges me and sometimes gets me frustrated, I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world!
Sometimes I wish that we were graduated and had a real job with a real house and real yard etc. but tonight I realized how much I really love my BYU life and will miss it when we leave. And I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to see that a little clearer tonight.
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